As per usual, I’m late… especially when it come to reflections about the past. I’ve spent the first few days of 2017 reflecting on 2016 and projecting about 2017 and beyond. I am always surprised when it gets to the end of the calendar year. I am yet am not ready to leave 2016 behind. As much as I look forward to the future, I’ve always been one of those people who struggles to let things go… in all aspects of my life good, bad, and ugly.
2016 was the year I was wanted to do this and that. Some of which I accomplished, some of which I totally forgot about, some of which was denied to me due to things beyond my control, and some I just put off until later. Sigh, some things never change, and my ability to procrastinate is one of them.
As much as I try to have goals and make them happen, I don’t like to feel structured or worse, feel like I’ve failed at something. I like to keep things positive. I also don’t like to measure out my year in countries, photos, numbers, or ticking things off a bucket list. Travel means more to me than that. It’s my sanity…my escape, and how I stay sane. I believe in the power of travel to transform a person or at least their outlook on life. Travel can shape you; it can make you a better person.
On that note, instead of recapping where I went, what I did, ect, I thought I’d delve a little deeper and share some of the more personal things that occurred during 2015 and what I’ve learned over the last year or so.
1. Some things are beyond your control.
In 2013, I was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder. Some days I slept 18 hours. Traveling anywhere except the physician’s office and hospital was more than I could do. I had trips planned to Cali, Colombia, and Yakima, Washington. Neither happened. After a rough 18 months of tracking my blood counts like a statistician, I was cleared for airplane travel on December 02, 2014. I was in London, England on December 6th. I had managed to have a few weekends away from home during the year, but nothing like December.
In April 2015, I tripped while trail running on a local hiking trail. I broke my left wrist and right ankle. I was down for the count for a good five months. I could hardly walk. My balance was totally off. I couldn’t type, and life in general was 100X harder than it is with two functioning limbs.
Whether or not I stay healthy is largely outside my realm of control. How I deal with the situation in 100% under my control.
I spent a large chunk of 2013-14 looking like this and a large chunk of 2015 in casts. Thankfully 2016 had me looking somewhat normal.
2. I’m not getting any younger.
I am five years behind the goals I made for myself in 2006 when I was travel through Italy. That’s what travel will do for you. I don’t regret any of it because I am a much more interesting person for having traveled like I have and being exposed to all that I have seen and been able to do. BUT I’m not getting any younger and if I want to achieve all my medical-related goals, I need to get my ass in gear. That being said I *should* complete my BSN in July, and that will open up a whole different set of doors. Being in school full-time is not only a financial commitment, but it’s a huge time commitment. I feel lucky that I’ve been able to travel as much as I have this year.
3. My travel style is ever changing.
I used to be OK with with sleeping on buses for a few days at a time. Or in airports. Or bus stations. Or on strangers’ couches. Or anywhere that was free or really cheap. And then I wasn’t. Then I was OK with sharing rooms with strangers in hostels. But now, if I had my preference, I’d rather rent an apartment and stay somewhere a few weeks at a time, or at minimum stay in a room all by myself.
I used to not care where I stayed, but now I really need my own space when travelling because sometimes I end up do yoga in my room.
Travel is exhausting. I don’t want to be on the go 24/7. I prefer doing a region at a time, and s-l-o-w travel is much more preferable to seeing 24 countries in 9 days. I still enjoy getting off the tourist trail and challenging myself, but I’m starting to enjoy the area that surrounds me too. The southeastern USA is amazing…historically and photogenically.
Fall in the Great Smoky Mountains is amazing.
People often ask me where my favorite place of the places I’ve been or what’s the coolest thing I’ve ever done. I am usually silent because I’ve done a lot of cool shit and I’ve been to a lot of cool places, but my favorite depends on the mood I’m in or what they are looking for? I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had this conversation in the last week. So, Michelle, what was your favorite part of your trip? [I don’t know…I’m still processing it] What city did you like the best? [Ummm. Berlin was really cool, but I think I enjoyed my serendipitous layover in St Petersburg more than anything] How does this compare to previous trips? [It doesn’t; the purpose was completely different]. I know I sound like a tool when I don’t want to talk about my travels, but who stays in a castle. Or hikes in the wilderness alone. Or goes swimming with sharks. I hate that I can’t just say this was the coolest things I’ve ever done off the top of my head. I feel like I’ve gotten to do so many cool things I can’t even remember them all! I mean who has a life like that?!
Wandering around German Christmas market was the cure for 2 year hiatus from international travel. It was cultural, fun, beautiful, and amazing on so many levels.
I want my future trips to be special…not just doing them because I can. I want them to have meaning. I’d like to do some sort of volunteer healthcare experience at some point in the next few years as part of my masters program, but where, when, or in which fashion is still unknown.
Montenegro is one of those cool, off-beat places.
4. I’m stronger than I thought I was
For me, 2016 was a year of facing my demons, pushing my boundaries, stepping out of my comfort zone, and overcoming specific fears.
So many times I found myself saying god, I don’t want to do this… but I sucked it up and did it anyway.
This year I spoke in public for the first time, traveled somewhere where I didn’t speak the language, went actual backpacking BY MYSELF for the first time, delivered a baby, worked in an alcohol/drug treatment center, and did pediatric clinicals in a non-English speaking area. I moved in to a living space of my very own sans roommates for the first time since 2005.
That joy that comes from accomplishing something you weren’t sure you were capable of doing is my new drug of choice. It’s awesome, and I want to keep striving for moments like that in the future.
5. I can’t do it all. I can’t do it all by myself. It’s OK that I can’t do it all.
I definitely stretched myself too thin in 2016; I felt like I was constantly pulled in a million different directions which made focusing on things I really wanted to accomplish really hard. I said yes to too many things and that is when I get into trouble.
In December 2013, I accepted my first full-time time job since 2007, and in 2014 I started an accelerated program to become a registered nurse. My full-time job was hospital based and between work and school I got burnt out. But I soldiered on and in 2015, I became a RN, and got a job in a different hospital. The change of scenery did not help, and I left the hospital for good in June 2016.
These were tough lessons to learn but I have decided I am going to really sit down and only do the things that I really want to do.
Maybe 2017 will be the year I finally decide to enter the grown up world.
Then again, maybe not.