Browsing "Life"
Oct 1, 2017 - Life    No Comments

Life is short. Go now.

Life is surreal sometimes, and we never know what might happen. It’s been six years since I witnessed my friend get run over by a car right in front of her house just a few hours before I left to travel New England in the fall.  It was October 2011, and yet it feels like yesterday.

Tonight [or more accurately last night since it is now well past 3a] I saw a friend of mine get hit by a car. She was pronounced dead about an hour after after it happened.  To be fair, we weren’t best friends, but we did have a fair amount of classes together at Clemson, and I have studied at her house quite a bit so not only did I know her, I knew her husband and kids too.  Tricia was a non-trad student–like me, but she was tons more outgoing that I will ever be.  Tricia had one goal for her education–and that was to become a physician.  She didn’t waiver.  She didn’t have any doubts.  She knew that she would go to Clemson, then go to medical school, and then be an Emergency Department physician.  I was always impressed by that.  I always have doubts of whether I should go to medical school or not, whether I should go to nursing school or not–what exactly my career path should be.  I have doubts about whether to get married or not.  Tricia married Warren right out of high school, and never thought twice about it.   I question constantly whether I ever want to get married, and sometimes whether I even want to be in a relationship.

Is it harder to be here one minute and gone the next?  Or is it harder to suffer for  awhile and then just pass into the next beyond?  Tricia was older than me, but not by that much, and the way she died was a freak accident.. One minute she was here, and then JUST LIKE THAT, she was gone–hit by a car while trying to help a neighbor’s dog who had been hit by a different car.  I know the details; I have worked in an ER.  This wasn’t the first time I have had brain tissue on my hands, but it was the first time I’ve held brains of a friend.  She wasn’t alone when she died; she had the love of her life beside her.

I stopped by her house after work to drop off MCAT books.  I was planning to stay only a few minutes;  I’m leaving for vacation later today.  But Tricia wanted to show me her new kitchen, so I went in and looked around.  It was nice.  I was there when there was a knock on the door.  I was there when Tricia put on her shoes to go look at the injured dog.  I was there when Warren went to the neighbor’s house to tell them their dog had been hit by a car.  I was standing in their driveway when I heard the car’s engine rev up.  I was still standing  there when I heard a thud.  The rest of what happened was in slow motion.

The car kept going. I ran to Tricia. Warren screamed. She was still alive when I got to her but her head was split open.  I tried to stop the bleeding.  Eventually an ambulance came.  Warren went with her.  I went home…blood [and brains] still on my hands and scrubs.

When you see someone you know have their life snuffed out in front of you, it leaves a permanent mark. Because sometimes people have an affect on your life….even if you aren’t particularly aware of it at the time.

So…to Tricia…you are in a better place.  I know you wanted to be here to live your dream of becoming a physician, of seeing your daughter go to prom and graduate high school…to see your son graduate from Clemson…to grow old with your husband.  Your family will miss you.  Your friends will miss you, but you have inspired many people to follow their dreams.  I am one of those people.  Rest in peace, Tricia, my friend.

Some links:

http://www.independentmail.com/news/2011/oct/01/woman-killed-car-driver-charged/  from the local Anderson paper

http://www.wyff4.com/news/29359594/detail.html  from the local TV station

from her husband’s Facebook page October 1, 2011:

As I look around the house tonight, I see her in everything that surrounds me. The way she painted the walls, the decorations, the smells and my two awesome kids that have her personality. I miss her so very much.
Here is the story, the other night we were just sitting watching tv and catching up with a friend, when we here a knock at the front door. It is a lady that asks if our dog is out because someone just hit one. I get my shoes on and so does Tricia. Sure enough the neighbors’ dog has been hit and is lying in the ditch, dying. I go to check the neighbors’ door, but no one is home. I turn around and head back to the dog, by the time I get half way across the lawn, I hear a motor revving and then a thump. Someone has just hit my darling Tricia. I run to her and cradle her in my arms, all the while screaming for help and for someone to call an ambulance. In my eyes she is still as beautiful as the day I meet her. I tell her I love her and I am here for her. I think she can hear me so I continue to tell her to hang on and I love her. The ambulance takes her to the hospital where she passes away. Life will never be the same.

The 24 year old girl who hit her is arrested for felony DUI and Manslaughter, but is already out on bail of $10,000 tonight.

We’ve all heard the saying “Life is short.” And, sometimes, it is.

But life is also unpredictable.

Even though we all probably have dreams and goals and plans for our lives, there are certain things we have no control over.

Our lives could be going along on right on track, only to be shattered by something we could never have seen coming.

A tornado that rips through a neighborhood. A flood that devastates a city.  And these are just the unpredictable things nature can bring about. There are also accidents, health problems, financial woes…

Life is too fleeting and changeable to take for granted.

I know where I would like my life to be headed in the coming months and years. But there are no guarantees that things will go as planned. In fact, more likely than not, nothing will go as planned.

How often do we hear others say, “Oh, I’ll travel when I retire,” “I’ll travel when the kids are grown,” “I’ll travel when the house is paid off”? I hear these excuses all the time. But you know what happens? Age. And stress. And, well, life.

Life happens, and by the time you retire and your kids are grown and your house is paid off, you might have bad knees and weak lungs and you simply can’t visit all those places you dreamed about in your youth.

How sad. I don’t want to end up like that, holding on to youthful travel dreams that will never be reality.  

So I travel now, in whatever way and to whatever place I can. I scrimp and I save and I make it happen. I volunteer.  I get grants. I grasp at every opportunity and unique adventure. 

I travel with reckless abandon — often to the detriment of my wallet, but to the benefit of my soul.

Is this wise? Probably not, especially if you’re a long-term traveler. But, for someone like me who tends to take shorter trips to distant places, I attack travel with a no-holds-barred attitude.

Unique experiences–If I think they are worth it, then I will not hesitate to shell out for them . Sure, I’d like to think I’ll be back to Ireland or Italy or Argentina someday. But what if I never make it back? 

These days you can’t climb Chichen Itza like you could the first time I went there.

 

I don’t want to have any regrets in my life, and this includes travel regrets.

I know not everyone shares this philosophy, though. Many travelers stick to a strict budget so they can travel for as long as possible. Others simply don’t want to pay for anything beyond the necessities.

Why would you come literally halfway around the world to hoard your money?  Would you go to China and not visit the Great Wall because it costs money? Would you go to Italy and skip visiting the Vatican because it requires an admission ticket?

vatican-stairs

There are so many worthwhile experiences to be had in the world — and yes, many of them require money. But it’s my travel philosophy that you shouldn’t deny yourself any of these experiences just because they come with a price-tag.

If you are privileged enough to be able to afford to travel, then you should attack it with curiosity and vigor and a sense of adventure. And to hell with the bank account.

So travel now. Make memories. And enjoy your life.  Because you never know if a car will mow you down in front of your house.

At the end of the day, I’d rather die with a million memories than a million dollars.

Money won’t comfort me on my deathbed, but knowing that I lived a full and fulfilling life might.

meow meow

Whatever your dreams are, follow them… because you never know what might happen…

May 31, 2017 - Life    No Comments

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

I’ve been doing a lot of hiking lately some local, some a little further away, and hiking, especially alone, is always introspective for me. I’d gotten away from it lately, but having covered nearly 30 miles on foot over the last week on the Pacific Crest Trail in Oregon and the Wales Coast Path, I’ve realized that it’s as essential to my well-being as a good night’s sleep.

I haven’t been hiking much lately because I lost my main hiking partner last May, and as much as I like traveling by myself, I don’t love backpacking by myself.  Maybe it’s because all the quiet and solitude gives one ample time to think and with ample time things you’d rather not think about come bubbling to the surface.

It’s been nearly a year; I should have forgiven him by now. People make choices in their lives and those choices sometimes affect other people.  And his choice profoundly affected me.  In ways I hadn’t noticed until quite recently.  Until I was sitting on top of that huge granite slab looking out over the beautiful aquamarine lake.


I can hold a grudge like a champ and in some cases have been doing so for years.  Some things are my fault, and those things  I have to take responsibility for; however, some things are not my fault and I need to recognize that too. I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. I suck at forgiveness. I want people to know that they hurt me and to be sorry, and like most people I have a hard to admitting when I have hurt someone. I’ve been going back through situations where I have felt slighted – situations where I was sure that I was the innocent one – with a new perspective and often times seeing that I am not completely blameless.

So while I’m back to hiking solo, and backpacking solo, I do it with a clean conscience.  I’ll probably never know the real reason this person dropped out of my life.  This person will probably never know how much pain they caused me, but that’s OK.  We recently met for lunch and that helped provide closure.  He was still oblivious to the pain he’d caused and I realized that he always probably would be.

I have forgiven this person.  We lead different lives now and I have moved on. If I did see the person again, and most likely our paths will cross since we live a mere 7 miles from each other and have mutual friends in common,  I don’t want to dive head first into the muck of the past but instead I’d like to start fresh… even if we could never get back to where we once were as friends. I’ve learned a lot of lesson from that friendship, some were painful but necessary.

So, why did this failed friendship trouble me so much? I think it’s because I had not forgiven myself.  Only recently did I realize this and I have been able to scoop myself up like a loved one and remember that just because this friendship didn’t work out doesn’t mean I’m incapable of having real friends… that just because this situation has brought up a lot of negative feelings doesn’t mean I am not a good person. I am human. I make mistakes. It is how we grow.

The only way I have been able to move on is through forgiveness. .. forgiveness of self and of others. Forgiveness is a powerful tool and I am using it in other relationships that gnaw at me.

Forgiveness of self doesn’t need to be saved for big things like the end of relationship but we should practice in all aspects of life. It is OK to forgive ourselves when we forget the keys, eat the extra bowl of ice cream, or spend a little too much on an evening out.

As humans, we will never not make mistakes. That is  part of our design. Yet, we’ve been given this great gift of forgiveness so that we can see our mistakes as blessings. It’s remarkable when we forgive others but it is astonishing when we can forgive ourselves. It’s the glorious acceptance of who we are and that who we are is enough.

Hiking on the PCT… Mt Hood in the background

Apr 10, 2017 - Life    No Comments

Rainy days and Mondays…

Today is a rainy day; it’s also a Monday, the first Monday I’ve had off work since October.  The calendar reads April, and the temperatures are in the 70s… even with the rain. Today is the kind of day that calls for curling up with a cat while reading books, cooking homemade soup, or taking a short hike. The rain is not torrential… just the perfect kind for splashing in puddles or sliding in mud puddles.  I used to do that a lot as a kid. And as a teenager… not so much as an adult.  Perhaps what they say about rain is true:  “Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet…”I love walking in the rain. Rain is such a blessing. The water falling from the sky. Creating growth, creating beauty and yes, even at times creating destruction… Have you ever slowed down enough to see the beauty that the rain creates all around? From the drops on the window, to the drips off a plant. Or the sound of rain in the silence of the evening? Maybe the beauty is from the drips hitting a puddle, in the way it ripples across the puddle, [or lake, or ocean…]

Urban hiking is what I call strolling around the city.  Looking at the sights. Or not.  Watching the people scurry about their day. I had packed my rain jacket with me, but even if I had not, it would not have mattered.  It was a slow, steady rain on a warm day.  It felt… refreshing.  I watched as people ran to and from their cars, shaking off like wet cats as they darted into Starbucks. The same Starbucks that is currently serving as my temporary office. How many people will see the colors that come out when it rains. The colors that the rain creates… that the sky creates. The lighting, soft and at times… mysterious.

Usually there is a lot of rain in the spring and spring is a time for renewal, for rejuvenation:  physically, spiritually and mentally.  There are so many new things on the horizon, so many books to read, so many adventures to have, so many plans waiting to unfold.  In more ways than one, spring has sprung.  Bring on the rainy days.

Jan 10, 2017 - Life    No Comments

Happy New Year 2017

A long December and there’s reason to believe

Maybe this year will be better than the last

– Counting Crows

That’s one of my favorite songs from the Counting Crows.

I am ever hopeful that 2017 will be better than 2016.  2016 was rough. In some ways, it seemed as if the black cloud that appeared in May 2015 carried over until May 2016.  So while the first half of the year kinda sucked, the second half seemed to be improving. My health is finally on the right track [even if not as fast as I would like].  I’m working to finish school in order to change my career [even if it’s not the one I originally thought I’d be in].  Other areas of life are getting on track too [turns out dealing with issues is a lot better than sweeping them under the rug]. I’m finding out who my real friends are and who doesn’t deserve to be counted in that group.

Winter flowers in bloom are my favorites… especially the white ones.

I’m employed.  I’m in school. I’m currently sitting in a hammock overlooking the South Carolina marsh.  It may be 35 degrees at night [which in all fairness, is not too bad for January], but I’m away, exploring new parts of my home state… [little tiny coastal communities plus a couple of  the state parks I missed out on back in October due to Hurricane Matthew.]  I’m dating a person I love and who loves me back [and who is spending the weekend with me in this beautiful house].

My AirBnB rental for the long weekend in Rockville, SC… A small coastal community about 30 minutes south of Charleston.

 

My cats are only minimally psychotic; life is good.

Today was a good day in the animal kingdom… They are getting along instead of chasing each other around the house like the wild animals they think they are.

Jan 5, 2017 - Life    No Comments

Reflections from 2016

As per usual, I’m late….especially when it come to reflections about the past. I’ve spent the first few days of 2017 reflecting on 2016 and projecting about 2017 and beyond.  I am always surprised when it gets to the end of the calendar year. I am yet am not ready to leave 2016 behind. As much as I look forward to the future, I’ve always been one of those people who struggles to let things go… in all aspects of my life good, bad, and ugly.

2016 was the year I was wanted to do this and that. Some of which I accomplished, some of which I totally forgot about, some of which was denied to me due to things beyond my control, and some I just put off until later. Sigh, some things never change, and my ability to procrastinate is one of them.

As much as I try to have goals and make them happen, I don’t like to feel structured or worse, feel like I’ve failed at something. I like to keep things positive. I also don’t like to measure out my year in countries, photos, numbers, or ticking things off a bucket list. Travel means more to me than that.  It’s my sanity…my escape, and how I stay sane.  I believe in the power of travel to transform a person or at least their outlook on life.  Travel can shape you; it can make you a better person.

On that note, instead of recapping where I went, what I did, ect, I thought I’d delve a little deeper and share some of the more personal things that occurred during 2015 and what I’ve learned over the last year or so.

1.  Some things are beyond your control.

In 2013, I was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder.  Some days I slept 18 hours.  Traveling anywhere except the physician’s office and hospital was more than I could do.  I had trips planned to Cali, Colombia, and Yakima, Washington.  Neither happened.  After a rough 18 months of tracking my blood counts like a statistician, I was cleared for airplane travel on December 02, 2014.  I was in London, England on December 6th. I had managed to have a few weekends away from home during the year, but nothing like December.

In April 2015, I tripped while trail running on a local hiking trail.  I broke my left wrist and right ankle.  I was down for the count for a good five months.  I could hardly walk. My balance was totally off.  I couldn’t type, and life in general was 100X harder than it is with two functioning limbs.

Whether or not I stay healthy is largely outside my realm of control.  How I deal with the situation in 100% under my control.

I spent a large chunk of 2013-14 looking like this and a large chunk of 2015 in casts.  Thankfully 2016 had me looking somewhat normal.

2.  I’m not getting any younger.

I am five years behind the goals I made for myself in 2006 when I was travel through Italy.  That’s what travel will do for you.  I don’t regret any of it because I am a much more interesting person for having traveled like I have and being exposed to all that I have seen and been able to do. BUT I’m not getting any younger and if I want to achieve all my medical-related goals, I need to get my ass in gear.  That being said I *should* complete my BSN in July, and that will open up a whole different set of doors.   Being in school full-time is not only a financial commitment, but it’s a huge time commitment.  I feel lucky that I’ve been able to travel as much as I have this year.

3.  My travel style is ever changing.

I used to be OK with with sleeping on buses for a few days at a time. Or in airports. Or bus stations. Or on strangers’ couches.  Or anywhere that was free or really cheap.  And then I wasn’t.  Then I was OK with sharing rooms with strangers in hostels.  But now, if I had my preference, I’d rather rent an apartment and stay somewhere a few weeks at a time, or at minimum stay in a room all by myself.

I used to not care where I stayed, but now I really need my own space when travelling because sometimes I end up do yoga in my room.

Travel is exhausting. I don’t want to be on the go 24/7.  I prefer doing a region at a time, and s-l-o-w travel is much more preferable to seeing 24 countries in 9 days.  I still enjoy getting off the tourist trail and challenging myself, but I’m starting to enjoy the area that surrounds me too.  The southeastern USA is amazing…historically and photogenically.

Fall in the Great Smoky Mountains is amazing.

People often ask me where my favorite place of the places I’ve been or what’s the coolest thing I’ve ever done.  I am usually silent because I’ve done a lot of cool shit and I’ve been to a lot of cool places, but my favorite depends on the mood I’m in or what they are looking for?  I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had this conversation in the last week.  So, Michelle, what was your favorite part of your trip? [I don’t know…I’m still processing it]  What city did you like the best?  [Ummm. Berlin was really cool, but I think I enjoyed my serendipitous layover in St Petersburg more than anything]  How does this compare to previous trips? [It doesn’t; the purpose was completely different].  I know I sound like a tool when I don’t want to talk about my travels, but who stays in a castle.  Or hikes in the wilderness alone.  Or goes swimming with sharks. I hate that I can’t just say this was the coolest things I’ve ever done off the top of my head. I feel like I’ve gotten to do so many cool things I can’t even remember them all! I mean who has a life like that?!


Wandering around German Christmas market was the cure for 2 year hiatus from international travel. It was cultural, fun, beautiful, and amazing on so many levels.

I want my future trips to be special…not just doing them because I can.  I want them to have meaning.  I’d like to do some sort of  volunteer healthcare experience at some point in the next few years as part of my masters program, but where, when, or in which fashion is still unknown.


Montenegro is one of those cool, off-beat places.

4.  I’m stronger than I thought I was

For me, 2016 was a year of facing my demons, pushing my boundaries, stepping out of my comfort zone, and overcoming specific fears.

So many times I found myself saying god, I don’t want to do this… but I sucked it up and did it anyway.

This year I spoke in public for the first time, traveled somewhere where I didn’t speak the language, went actual backpacking BY MYSELF for the first time, delivered a baby, worked in an alcohol/drug treatment center, and did pediatric clinicals in a non-English speaking area. I moved in to a living space of my very own sans roommates for the first time since 2005.

That joy that comes from accomplishing something you weren’t sure you were capable of doing is my new drug of choice. It’s awesome, and I want to keep striving for moments like that in the future.

5. I can’t do it all. I can’t do it all by myself.  It’s OK that I can’t do it all.

I definitely stretched myself too thin in 2016; I felt like I was constantly pulled in a million different directions which made focusing on things I really wanted to accomplish really hard. I said yes to too many things and that is when I get into trouble.

In December 2013, I accepted my first full-time time job since 2007, and in 2014 I started an accelerated program to become a registered nurse.  My full-time job was hospital based and between work and school I got burnt out. But I soldiered on and in 2015, I became a RN, and got a job in a different hospital. The change of scenery did not help, and I left the hospital for good in June 2016.

These were tough lessons to learn but I have decided I am going to really sit down and only do the things that I really want to do.

Maybe 2017 will be the year I finally decide to enter the grown up world.

Then again, maybe not.

Jun 20, 2016 - Life    2 Comments

Endings, beginnings, and what’s next

Mid-year-end review 2016

In some ways, 2016 has been great; and yet, it’s been rough in lots of ways.  I have had four physical addresses in the last 6 months. 4 times of packing up my stuff and moving to a new location. 4 times of unpacking boxes. 4 times of trying to get the kitty cats comfortable. 4  times of trying to get settled.  4 times of buying duplicate things because I couldn’t find what I needed at the time. 4 places where I’ve tried to make a home.  On top of that, I’ve had three jobs + some freelance work in the last year. It was the opposite of what I needed, but in reality, I had no choice.  It was either move or be homeless.  It was either work or end up at the *poor farm.

The Endings

In June 2016, I quit my toxic hospital job. I had worked in a hospital (not necessarily the same hospital) on some level since 2003, and it was a big deal to leave.  Even though that was one of my goals for becoming a RN.  Even though my latest work environment was toxic; even though my co-workers were cruel and hateful.  The hospital had been my one constant my entire adult, working life.

Also in June, I left a living situation that was no longer working for me.  And it didn’t go well.  In the time from telling her I was moving until the day I left, it was beyond stressful.  The cats were mistreated; my things were mistreated when I wasn’t there [and let’s be honest, I was only there to sleep because I felt so unwelcome.] A few things went missing or were broken.   A number of mutual friends, while still cordial when out paths cross, aren’t exactly people I’d call friends anymore.

And in July, one of my closest friends, for lack of a better term, ‘broke up’ with me.  He was my main camping buddy and hiking partner, and while it sucks not to have a person to do that kind of stuff with anymore, it certainly won’t stop me from doing these things.

I’ve always been more on the private side even in real life. I strive to be truthful and honest in all my interactions, but here lately, I’ve been even more reserved.  One of my goals in this new rendition of the blog, is to be more open and transparent.  But some things will always be private.

The Beginnings

I started a new job at the end of June. It’s been three weeks now, and I’m still loving it. It’s crazy busy, and keeps me on my toes.  It’s still healthcare, so what I can say about what I do and where I work is quite limited. I now work in physical rehab.  It’s so different than what I used to do, and I get to use both of my skill sets.  I have a lot more freedom to do what I need to do, to do what I think is the right thing, and I love that. I love that my skills and knowledge is valued, but what I love more, it that it feels like what I do matters. And I haven’t felt like what I do matters in a long time.

just a little note from one of my patients

I also have new living quarters. It’s palatial by New York City standards, and more space than I really need, but the price was right, the neighborhood is good, and the landlord is chill.  After living with roommates since 2006, it is nice to finally have space of my own… where it doesn’t matter if I empty the dishwasher the second it’s done or if I leave clean clothes in the dryer for a week. A place where I can decorate as I choose, and a place where the kitties and I can relax however we see fit. And most important, a place where I can start to feel settled.

The Next Steps

In August, I head back to the classroom (metaphorically speaking–all my classes are online). Depending on which option I pursue I could be finished by the end of next summer (with a BSN) or three years from now (with a MSN or DNP)  Who knows what direction my life will go, but at least for the next year, I’m going to be pretty stationary.  I’ll still find time to do the things I love, and hopefully, deepen relationships with all my friends.

I don’t know where the road is going to lead me, but I hope you will hang around for the ride.

 

Feb 24, 2016 - Life    2 Comments

A letter to myself

Another recovered post…  this one a letter to myself for the start of 2016 … 

Dear self,

Here are your tasks for 2016… It may seem like a lot right now, but you have an entire year + an extra day, so no whining*

  • You have a new job this year… so don’t suck at it… Also, do not kill anyone. [I kept the new job for a grand total of 6 months.  The environment was highly toxic, and for my own sanity, I left.   And I didn’t kill anyone… I call that a win]
  • Keep your shit together… organize your mail, email, and any other important communication and keep it that way for more than 3 nanoseconds.  Along those lines, keep your space organized. [Organization has been my nemesis since birth, but I try.  I call this one a draw]
  • Spend time with people who love you and believe in you.  [There have been more days than I care to count where the only words uttered from my mouth were LUCY! or CHRISTOPHER! I say this was a miserable failure. Going to school and working full-time in the evening make socializing harder than it needs to be]
  • Acknowledge that some things are out of your control and above your pay grade.
  • Stop saying sorry when that’s not what you mean. (Acceptable times to apologize include: when you break something that’s not yours, when you hurt someone’s feelings accidentally, when you step on someone’s toe, etc.).  Stop apologizing for every.little.thing that goes on in life.  Not everything is your fault.
  • Take responsibility for your self… (Examples including finding a dentist, dealing with the DMV, investing in your future, ect).
  • When needed, remind yourself that you have a right to take up space whether that is on a trail or in a hospital room surrounded by physicians.  Do not be intimidated by others.
  • Be nice to yourself.
  • Don’t completely succumb to adulthood, but still try to pay bills on time. [Yay, another win.  I dance with patients in their rooms, play with therapy dogs, and generally try to have fun while working. Health is a serious business, but I don’t always have to be serious]
  • Re-define impossible.
  • Do that yoga push-up chataranga thing that currently makes you feel like you’re going to collapse and smash your nose on the ground.
  • Remember that you always, always, always have a choice. We choose our emotions.  Sure, there are situations which will frustrate you.  There will be times when you are disappointed, but being disappointed is a choice. Being frustrated is a choice. Smiling and laughing it off is a choice…On that note, choose smiling.
  • Try to see failure as a painful, but necessary part of success — not a mandate on your character. Try.
  • Keep getting stronger.
  • Embrace partial success. Embrace progress, even the very small, barely noticeable, infinitesimal progress.

Celebrate life.

Lots of love

me, december 30, 2015

PS:  read & re-read this letter as many times as necessary throughout the year.  If needed, print off this letter , carry it around with you, and read this letter any time you need encouragement.

Feb 20, 2016 - Life    No Comments

It all began with a list

Not too long ago, whilst cleaning out my closets and going through boxes of ‘sentimental stuff’, I came across a list I had written when I was 15 [horror, gasp!] called ‘My life when I am 30.’ In it were several predictions I had made about how my life would be when I was 30 [and at 15, 30 seems freakin’ ancient], and with impending doomsday my birthday coming up on Wednesday [although I have  passed 30 a few years ago] I thought it would be funny humiliating to revisit some of these predictions.

1. married to a boy that went to PC. [umm, nope…still not married]

2. no children, but a menagerie including several cats, a dog or two, chickens [!], and a rabbit [wtf?] [I currently have two cats–Lucy and Christopher]

3. living in an old house that I bought for $25,000 and fixed up myself [you know, this one is not too far off. I recently bought a house in the country for around $35,000]

4. Working as a high school teacher[?!] and coaching high school volleyball [ummm, no, no and no] making $25,000/year [I think $25,000 must have been the highest dollar amount I could conceive of at the time]

5. Spending my summers traveling [who’s taking care of the animals?] to a different country every year [and really, on a salary of $25,000] This one, however, seems to be the most accurate.

So my visit from my past to my present got me thinking… why aren’t any of those things current. Especially the house thing–what am I waiting for? If I get married, he can live with me.

So with all that in mind, I think it’s high time I get moving on the list.  There’s not a whole hell of a lot I can do about #1.  I just have to be patient and trust that it will happen at the right time. As for #4, I’m not a high school teacher, but teaching is my favorite part of my job.  Right now, Lucy, Christopher and Molly are about all I can manage so I do not thing a menagerie is in my immediate future. As for # 5, I have traveled to 40+ countries since I’ve turned 18, and hope to hit a few more while I am in the Peace Corps.  I’m not traveling half around the world to just visit one other country.

Dec 10, 2015 - Life    No Comments

The makings of a registered nurse: part 2

The transition from pediatric registered respiratory therapist to adult registered nurse has been… difficult, to say the least.

Six months after graduation, I’m two months in to my first job, still on new-RN orientation, and question my decision on a daily basis.  Nursing is not inherently a difficult profession as compared to respiratory therapy, but it is a completely different one.

After graduation I promptly took and passed the NCLEX, went to Europe, then began applying for jobs. I was contacted by an adult pulmonary step-down unit, interviewed, and hired. After three weeks in hospital orientation, I was released onto my floor, and then realized my mistake.  This unit, and perhaps this career is not for me.  Transition sucks; it is a time that brings out all my insecurities and fears, and having multiple preceptors and an unavailable nurse manager and educator has not made this easy.  As a RT, I knew what my job was, and how to do it, and who to go to when I had questions.  In this position, I have different people telling me how to do things differently on a daily basis. While I understand that everyone develops their own system for doing things, it would be helpful for people to not constantly tell me I am doing ‘this’ wrong– whatever ‘this’ may be.

The transition from working essentially independently under protocols in several areas of the hospital to  being confined to one area and essentially having to ask permission to do anything with a patient is a hard one, and it has confirmed my decision to become a nurse practitioner sooner rather than later.

I am already looking into what my next steps are going to be. I start my BSN next semester. It should take one year and then I can apply to NP school… which was my goal for becoming a registered nurse to begin with.

 

Oct 19, 2015 - Life    No Comments

My bucket list–rediscovered

I’ve been packing up things and in true Michelle form, I take time to explore all the little pieces of paper I pull out from strange places. One of those little scraps of paper had the grandiose title of ‘THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE’,and while I’ve read quite a few blog posts about other people’s “bucket lists”, I hadn’t thought of writing a list of my own.  Oh how the past comes back to bite me… my own list was written in December 1999–as a joke among friends when we all thought the world would succumb to the Y2K bug.

THE LIST OF THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

PLACES TO GO

THE USA:

  • Visit all 50 states [42 down, 8 to go]
  • See a Broadway play on Broadway [OCT 2011–acted as an usher and saw Wicked” for free–well, most of it anyway]
  • Climb to the crown in the Statue of Liberty [I climbed to the pedestal before it was closed for repairs in OCT 2011–close enough for me]
  • Ride a cable car in San Francisco [MAY 2012]
  • Go to Disney World and have fun as an adult [I never really had fun there as a child so maybe it would be different as an adult]
  • Kayak down the Everglades River in Florida [March 2000]
  • Party at Mardi Gras in New Orleans
  • See the Kentucky Derby live at Churchill Downs
  • See fall foliage in New England [OCT 2011]
  • Visit every professional baseball stadium [Camden Yards, Baltimore 2001, Yankee Stadium 2010, Turner Field 2008, AT&T Field 2012, Safeco Field 2012, Fenway Park, 2011, The Ballpark, Arlington, 1996, Citi Field, 2011, Wrigley Field, 2014, Citizens Bank Field, 2011, Tropicana Field 2005] *This is no longer a goal of mine… I’ll still go to a baseball game if I’m in an area and there’s a game available, but it’s no longer a top goal.
  • Visit every National Park in the US [I am about halfway there. Smoky Mountains NP was the first way back when I was a child in the 1980’s and the latest was  Mt Rainier National Park in October 2017]
  • Visit all the state parks in North and South Carolina [started August 2015; finished SC State Parks Jan 2017 currently working on NC state parks]

Sassafrass Mountain–SC’s highest state park

Canada/Mexico

  • see Niagara Falls (from both sides)
  • spend time in Quebec [Oct 2011]
  • visit Vancouver  [October 2016]
  • explore the Atlantic Islands
  • see the Northern Lights
  • go dog-sledding

Central/South America

  • Cross the Equator [September 2010, December 2010, June 2011]
  • Attend Carnival in Brazil [February 2011]
  • Visit Ushuaia on the Tierra del Fuego [December 2010]
  • Travel across the Salar de Uyuni [December 2010]
  • Take a boat on the Amazon River [April 2011]
  • see exotic animals in their natural habitat [visited the Pantanal April 2011]
  • explore the Amazon Jungle [May 2011]
  • cross the Panama Canal

Europe

  • Eat pizza in Naples, Italy [February 2006]
  • Climb to the top of the dome of St. Peter’s, The Vatican, Italy [February 2006]
  • Witness the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain
  • ‘authentic’ Spain in Andalucia
  • Attend La Tomatina in Valencia, Spain
  • Lay on a beach in Croatia
  • go to Ischia
  • Sail around the Greek islands
  • Island hop in Croatia
  • Experience the true Oktoberfest in Germany [Oktober 2015]
  • Drive on the Autobahn, Germany
  • Ride in a hot air balloon in Cappadocia, Turkey
  • Hunt vampires in Romania [January 2013]
  • ride on the Trans-Siberian Railway
  • cruise the fjords in Norway
  • see the reindeer in Lapland
  • attend the White Nights festival in St Petersburg
  • visit the Christmas markets in Germany [December 2014]
  • see the Matterhorn in Switzerland [Jan 2013]

Oceania:

  • Hike around Uluru in the Australian Outback
  • Climb the Sydney Harbor Bridge in Australia
  • visit one of the islands in the South Pacific

Africa:

  • Climb Table Mountain in Cape Town, South Africa
  • see the kitty cats in their natural environmnet
  • Go on a safari
  • visit Casablanca in Morocco
  • cruise the Nile
  • surf in South Africa

Asia:

  • Climb the Great Wall of China
  • visit Tokyo

Things to See

The U.S.:

  • The Grand Canyon [2012]
  • Redwood trees in California [2000]
  • Times Square, NYC [2011]
  • Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, New York City [2011]Las Vegas Strip [2012]
  • National Mall in Washington, D.C. [1990 again in 2011]
  • Space Needle, Seattle, Washington [2012]
  • St. Louis Arch
  • Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco [2012]
  • Alcatraz [2012]
  • Mount Rushmore
  • Pearl Harbour, Hawaii
  • The Alaskan Wilderness
  • South Beach, Miami, Florida [2010]

Europe:

  • Hagia Sophia in Istanbul, Turkey
  • Hadrian’s Wall, England [Aug 1997]
  • Abbey Road, London, England [September 2015]
  • All the cool sights in London [finally!] [2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016]
  • Trevi Fountain, Rome, Italy [2006]
  • Colosseum, Rome, Italy [2006]
  • St. Peter’s Basilica, The Vatican, Italy [2006]
  • Ruins in Pompeii and Herculaneum, Italy [2006]
  • Leaning Tower of Pisa, Italy
  • Acropolis in Athens, Greece
  • Diocletian’s Palace Croatia
  • The bridge of Mostar, Serbia
  • The ‘NEWBORN’ scuplture, Kosovo  [January 2013]
  • Red Square, Moscow, Russia [February 2009]
  • St. Basil’s Cathedral, Moscow [January 2009]
  • the LENIN, Murmansk, Russia [March 2009]
  • The Hermitage, St Petersburg [2009 and 2014]
  • Auschwitz, Poland [2014]
  • Dachau, Germany [2014]
  • Eiffel Tower, Paris, France [2012 and 2013]
  • Notre Dame, Paris, France [2013]
  • Rila Monastery , Bulgaria
  • Lake Ohrid, Macedonia/Albania

Asia:

  • Forbidden City, Beijing
  • Elephant Nature Park, Thailand
  • Pandas in China
  • Mount Everest
  • Angkor Wat, Cambodia
  • Taj Mahal, India
  • Temples in Bangkok, Thailand

The Middle-East

  • Petra, Jordan
  • Dubai, UAE
  • Jerusalem

Africa:

  • The Pyramids of Giza, Cairo, Egypt
  • Victoria Falls

South America:

  • Machu Picchu, Peru[2010]
  • Galapagos Islands, Ecuador [2010]
  • Iguazu Falls, Brazil/Argentina [2010]
  • Angel Falls, Venezuela [2011]
  • Easter Island, Chile

Oceania:

  • The Great Barrier Reef, Australia
  • Uluru, Australia
  • Sydney Opera House and Harbor Bridge, Australia
  • Tasmania

Adventures to have

  • Hike out on a glacier [Patagonia 2010]
  • Ride in a hot balloon [that’s not tethered to the ground]
  • Go white water rafting [Nantahala River, NC 2012]
  • Ride in a helicopter
  • See an active volcano up close
  • Drive in a country where they drive on the opposite side of the road [Ireland 1997]
  • Attend a professional sports game in another country (football, baseball, soccer, rugby, hockey, tennis, cricket, ect) [soccer, England 1997 and Peru 2010, baseball, Venezuela 2011, ice hockey, Canada 2011 and France 2013]
  • Celebrate Christmas in a different country [Argentina 2010, Lithuania 2014]
  • Celebrate New Year’s in a different country [Brazil 2010, France 2012]
  • Go on a cruise
  • See a favorite band in concert [2012, 2017]
  • Participate in a wacky cultural event/tradition/race
  • Be a balloon handler at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
  • Take part in an archaeological dig
  • Stomp grapes to make wine
  • Visit vineyards [Argentina 2010, 2011, California 2012, NC/SC 2015, Washington/Oregon 2016, 2017]
  • Visit a nude beach and go nude!
  • go skinny dipping
  • stargazing at an astronomy tower
  • jump off a cliff into water [OK so I sort of halfway did this…I jumped off a bridge–about a 40 ft drop– into a lake, and DO NOT want to repeat the experience at any distance higher than that]
  • Climb a volcano [Ecuador 2010]
  • go SCUBA diving
  • volunteer at an animal park
  • attend the Olympics *bonus if it’s in another country [I went to the ATL ’96 games and the Winter Olympics in Torino in 2006]
  • Go to the World Cup
  • attend Wimbledon
  • go kayaking in the arctic

Cool things to see:

  • Redwood trees in California [2000]
  • The Grand Canyon [2012]
  • Yellowstone National Park
  • Great Smokey Mountains NP [1980s]
  • Fall foliage in New England [2011]
  • Times Square, NYC [2011
  • Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island [2011]
  • New York City [2011]
  • Las Vegas [2012]
  • The Alaskan Wilderness
  • Alcatraz [2012]
  • Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco [2012]
  • Pearl Harbor, Hawaii
  • White Sands National Park in New Mexico

Other:

  • Antarctica
  • Earth from space
  • Icebergs up close [2011]
  • A geyser explode [Chile 2010]
  • Become fluent in a third language [perhaps Russian or German–I’m currently stuck in beginners level with both]
  • Learn how to drive a manual car
  • Fill up an entire passport with stamps [2010-2017 AND I had to have extra pages added]
  • Take surfing lessons [nearly died in Peru 2010]
  • Learn to snowboard or ski [FRANCE 2013]

Non-travel related things:

  • Design my future house
  • Become a homeowner and have a house party
  • Get certified in wilderness medicine
  • hike a multi-day trail solo [Foothills Trail 2017]

What can I say–I’ve always been an overly-ambitious soul…

Pages:12»