Monthly Archives: February 2018

Museums of Broken Relationships

2018 Michelle here:  This museum I found in Zagreb, Croatia is perhaps one of the more interesting museums I’ve ever been in [The Sex Museum in Naples is another].  While Zagreb is no uber charming city, this museum had me enthralled.  The end of a relationship is always a trying time for everyone involved even if it’s just a ‘whew, I dodged that bullet’ thought. But I’ve never thought of putting my relationship detritus in a museum for other to look at.  Let this be a reminder that atypical museums can be some of the more educational/informative/pleasurable.

 


A break-up is like a broken mirror:  it’s better to leave it alone than to hurt yourself picking up the pieces.

 

His name was Michael. Today is his birthday. I shouldn’t remember that, but I do. When we met he was 32, and I was 24. We met at work.  I loved his sense of humour and he loved my adventurous spirit.  We were friends first.  Nearly a year, before anything more than friendly happened.  But as is often the case between men and women, something did happen.  I practically dared him to kiss me, and when he did, it was as if time stood still. July 19, 2004…after lunch. The kiss lasted exactly 42 seconds.  I know because I had a digital atomic clock on the wall in my office.  The kiss touched every neuron in my body, and for the first time in my life, I felt alive.

I named him “Nobody” and he called me “Girl. ”  If people asked me who I was dating, and they did because people love to meddle in the affairs of others, I’d say “Nobody.” If people asked him who we was seeing, he’d say “Just some girl.”  It was our secret, and it was exciting.

We carried on our secret affair for 18 months –until I moved away…co-workers weren’t supposed to date. And even after moving to a different state, the thought of him was like a drug.  We were like addicts addicted to each other; couldn’t stay away, yet couldn’t get enough.

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The first step in recovering from an addiction is admitting that there is a problem, and oh boy, there was.  Michael was as strong as any drug I’d ever encountered, and willpower alone wasn’t enough to make me quit him.  Over time I came to rely on a power greater than myself and contact with Michael became more and more sparse.  Withdrawal is a painful master.  There was physical pain.  There was emotional pain. There were tears.

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There were no stuffed worms. No legs were broken in this break-up.


The last conversation I had with him was right before I left for Moscow.  He said “you always did want to go places.” and I said “I will always love you, but this will be the last time I tell you that.”  And I haven’t had contact with him since.  After returning from Moscow, I wanted to call him.  I wanted to tell him all the amazing adventures I had.  Instead, I got a cat.  I named her Lily. She was a sweet cat.

 

Lily helped me heal.

 

I still have a post card he gave me. And ticket stubs for various events. And a necklace. And various little notes.  What can I say, I’m a sentimental soul.

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I knew before I went to Zagreb that I wanted to go to the museum of broken relationships. I find it  fascinating to see what people keep as mementos from relationships.  Not every relationship ends on a sour note.  Some have other obstacles that time just could not overcome.  Some just aren’t meant to be.  Some exist solely to prepare you for the future.  Michael was not my first boyfriend, but he was my first love, and without that relationship, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

I’ve held on to the mementos of the relationship with Michael for 15 years, and karma, good energy, and such being what it is, it’s time to release that energy into the universe. Good bye Michael.


PS...I have a slight confession to make.  One time I was dating this guy.  His name was James. Now I knew that the relationship with James was never going to be long-term, but he was ummm, fun, and I had recently broken up with a cheating bastard I caught with another woman.  I made James brownies for his birthday.  I left them on the kitchen table with a ‘Happy Birthday’ note.  I came over the next day to find everything in the trash. I was pissed to say the least. Livid. Irate. Incensed. A seething cauldron of raging fumes; you get the idea. He was being such an ass. I went to the local World Market, bought a bottle of cheap $7 Il Bastardo wine, and switched it out for his fancy $200 bottle of French Bordeaux.  My friend and I drank the rich, velvet wine while sitting in her hot tub cursing all the shallow men in the world.  I still feel no shame in taking Il Bastardo’s prized bottle of red wine.

In retrospect, the Il Bastardo was still probably pretty good.  After all it comes from Tuscany and is a Sangiovese so probably still good. I really would have like to have smashed Il Bastardo over the bastard’s head, but I got my revenge in other ways that even though the statute of limitations has passed, I’ll still keep my mouth shut because some things are just better left unsaid [or in this case… things are better left un-typed].

at least no axes were ever involved in any of my break-ups

PPS…Names and dates have been changed to protect the innocent…Except Il Bastardo.

PPPS...If I dated women, I’d totally give every.single.one I ever broke up with this bar of chocolate.

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Every Single Thing I Packed for Madagascar

More than 1500 coherent words on what I packed for two years in Madagascar from the kind of suitcase I had, and everything I put in said suitcase; don’t say I didn’t warn you

I found out in July 2017 that I’d been accepted into Peace Corps | Madagascar.  That left me with 7 months to pack and clean out my apartment, and seven months to obsess about what to pack.  And this from someone who hates to pack. And someone who hates to shop.  And then I went and bought a house in October 2017. And I had already planned vacation for December 2018.  So I packed for Madagascar as well as my vacation to Germany/France in December while I was packing up the apartment for the impending move. I scoured other PC blogs’ packing lists–for Madagascar, other African countries, even cold weather Eastern Europe/Asian countries… just to see what I was up against. I put effort into packing. I drudged through Amazon customer reviews. I wandered up and down REI’s aisles without buying a thing. I enjoyed crafting the spreadsheet more than the actual shopping.
Not related at all, but a somewhat ironic tangent: I was once in charge of logistics for planning my college’s fencing team flight from Greenville to Philadelphia and securing lodging while in Philadelphia. 13 college students, flying with sabres, foils, and  epees being constantly reminded not to say ‘weapons’ in an airport even though that is totally what they are called collectively.  Reminding people to pack clothing separately from fencing gear in case bags were confiscated, and yet I forgot socks.
Other journeys have similarly been fraught with packing mistakes and my most epic one to date is getting to the airport only to find out I’d brought my recently expired passport instead of the new, active one.  Thankfully it was about 1 in the afternoon, traffic was reasonable, and I lived 20 minutes away instead of an hour away like I do now.Before I start the list, here are the premises I’m working on:

  • Despite popular opinion, this is not a 2 year camping/backpacking trip. I will be living mostly in one place for 2 years. A place that most likely lacks indoor plumbing and electricity.
  • Madagascar is a poor country.  No need to have $200 hiking boots when most, if not all, of my neighbors will be barefoot. All the time.
  • I’ll forget something.   Hopefully, it won’t be my passport.  Or underwear.
A giant duffel bag–with wheels, a hiking backpack, a school backpack x2 and a messenger bag. Not all of these bags are going to Madagascar. At least not at first. One bag has the December vacation clothing in it.

Packing is certainly one of the most stressful aspects of preparing for service, because you think, “how the hell am I going to fit 2 years’ worth of stuff in 2 bags?”  Just so you know now, the Peace Corps country handbook is of absolutely no use. So I put together my own list of what I thought would be helpful. This will hopefully take care of a lot of your potential questions up front, but please feel free to message me or comment if you have a specific question, or if you don’t see something on this list and wonder if you should take it. [Caveat: I am the proud owner of 2 X chromosomes so this is aimed at fellow XX-ers more than guys, but most of these suggestions also apply to men… except, you know, the parts about bringing skirts, bras, and tampons.]

The first thing to keep in mind is that no amount of stuff will make it easy, and no one item will make the difference between having a great experience and a terrible one. The second thing is to keep in mind that even though 2 bags doesn’t sound like a lot, you will still have way more stuff than any of your neighbors have. Having 3 pairs of shoes to carry you for the next 2 years might not sound like a lot, but remember that most people you’ll be living near are lucky if they have one pair of shoes. It is very humbling.  Hopefully my suggestions and advice below will help you avoid packing stress as much as possible but help you arrive to Madagascar well-equipped and excited to serve.

So with that being said…


To get the goods to a location, I’ll need bags. I’m allowed 4; 2 checked, one carry-on and one personal item. The checked bags must weigh less than 50# each. Since I usually try to do carry-on only, I did not have a large duffel or suitcase so I bought one from ebags. It’s my go to site for things luggage related.  So my four bags are:

    1. A suitcase. A duffel bag. Something big. Something sturdy. It’s going to get abused. It may fall apart; it may surprise me and last my full service.  I’ll probably use it as storage once I have a home.
    2. A hiking backpack. I have an old REI one. I’ll probably take the REI one; it’s no longer bright and shiny, and has already proven itself, has a cover, and I know I can pack a lot of stuff in it
    3. A school-type backpack. Can be stuffed to capacity and carry a weeks’ worth of clothing.
    4. A messenger bag. Good for books, notebooks, official documents, plane snacks, travel pillow, ect.

Inside the bags, things will be organized with packing cubes.  If you’ve never used packing cubes, they will change your life.  I also have two plastic storage boxes, 1 small and one medium. And inside those containers, I’ll have:

Outfits: 10 tops + 10 bottoms + 1 cold weather base layer

  • 1 nice outfit: 1 nice top + 1 skirt (mainly to be worn ‘out’ or for important events like swearing in)
  • 2 cardigan/blazer things to be worn over regular T-shirts when the occasion calls for it
  • 2 work outfits: 4 T-shirts + 2 skirts
  • 2 casual outfits: 1 T-shirt + 1 pair of casual pants, and 1 long-sleeve shirt + 1 pair of yoga pants
  • 2 pairs of scrub pants
  • 3 pairs of capri pants/knee length shorts

Additional Clothing

  • Jackets: 1 rain jacket, 1 zip-up jacket, 1 light jacket
  • Bras: 5 sports bras, 5 regular bra
  • Underwear: as many as I can fit into one packing cube [estimated 20-30 pairs]
  • Socks: 6 pairs cotton, 6 pair lightweight wool
  • 2 pairs of leggings

Accessories

  • 1 belt: a few years ago I bough a durable leather belt from the men’s section of REI.  I’ve never gone back.
  • 1 baseball cap
  • 1 bathing suit:
  • 2 pairs of sunglasses

Shoes

  • 1 pair of Tevas sandals–these are fancy dress-up Tevas
  • 1 pair of Keen sandals
  • 1 pair of fancy leather sandals
  • 1 pair of hiking shoes
  • 1 pair of flip-flops for showering and around the house

Sleeping Kit

  • Sleeping bag: It’s down, but lightweigh REI brand.
  • Sleeping liner:  really just a large king sized sheet sewed together to be used when it’s too hot for the bag or in sketchy travel hotels
  • Sleeping pad: REI brand. On past travel, I opted not to use one, but this time around is different.
  • Tent: REI-brand… two-person, simple setup, easy storage.
  • 1 medium compressible Thermarest pillow

Home

  • Cookbook
  • 2 water bottles: a 1L Nagalene and a 24oz stainless steel one
  • Wall decor:  USA map, SC flag, and UT flag
  • Umbrella
  • Clothesline. Braided rubber from REI.
  • Housewares:  measuring cups, cutting board, knives, vegetable peelers, bottle opener, can opener, ect
  • Drink packets / spices
  • Mug + stainless steel water bottles
  • ziploc bags, plastic storage containers
  • Towels: 1 large quick-dry, 1 small quick-dry
  • flat sheets
  • Gorilla tape roll

Tech

  • Kindle, USB cord, and case
  • Phone, USB cord, and case
  • Mini speaker, USB cord
  • 2 headlamps, one to stay at home; one to stay in the bag
  • USB hub, for all the above
  • Laptop, charger, and case
  • 2 sets of headphones* (nothing fancy, not blue tooth)
  • 2 flash drive
  • Shortwave radio
  • Travel alarm clock
  • Rechargeable AA and AAA batteries.  Not sure if I’ll need D or not so I’m waiting before I purchase them
  • A non- electronic alarm clock

Travel, Study & Fun

  • 4 packs of blank index cards
  • 2 decks of playing cards
  • 2 shopping tote bags
  • Travel purse
  • Earplugs
  • Gifts for host families
  • Pens and pencils
  • Notebooks
  • Blank journals
  • Photo albums of friends and family
  • Snacks
  • small umbrella
  • sunglasses
  • canvas tote bags
  • cards

Toiletries

  • Small bottle of your favorite perfume
  • Hand wipes/hand sanitizer
  • Multivitamins
  • Makeup: foundation, eye shadow, lipstick, face wipes, face lotion
  • Hair: comb + brush, shampoo + conditioner, bobby pins, hair ties, scissors, dry shampoo
  • Tools: tweezers, nail clippers, razor + blades, make-up brush, Q-tips
  • Dental: toothbrush, toothpaste, floss
  • Body: bar soap, lotion, razor + blades, pumice stone, deodorant, menstrual cup + tampons
  • Eyedrops
  • Mini first aid kit

 

And that’s it.

Note: At training I’ll be provided with a Peace Corps’ first aid kit. Again, this is my pre-service packing list. Overall I feel pretty good about it, but that’ll change: Things will break; I’ll send things home, and hopefully I will have some awesome friends who will send me things while I’m here.