What the actual F*ck am I doing here? It's a question I ask myself daily,…
A letter to myself
Here are your tasks for 2016… It may seem like a lot right now, but you have an entire year + an extra day, so no whining*
- You have a new job this year… so don’t suck at it… Also, do not kill anyone. [I kept the new job for a grand total of 6 months. The environment was highly toxic, and for my own sanity, I left. And I didn’t kill anyone… I call that a win]
- Keep your shit together… organize your mail, email, and any other important communication and keep it that way for more than 3 nanoseconds. Along those lines, keep your space organized. [Organization has been my nemesis since birth, but I try. I call this one a draw]
- Spend time with people who love you and believe in you. [There have been more days than I care to count where the only words uttered from my mouth were LUCY! or CHRISTOPHER! I say this was a miserable failure. Going to school and working full-time in the evening make socializing harder than it needs to be]
- Acknowledge that some things are out of your control and above your pay grade.
- Stop saying sorry when that’s not what you mean. (Acceptable times to apologize include: when you break something that’s not yours, when you hurt someone’s feelings accidentally, when you step on someone’s toe, etc.). Stop apologizing for every.little.thing that goes on in life. Not everything is your fault.
- Take responsibility for your self… (Examples including finding a dentist, dealing with the DMV, investing in your future, ect).
- When needed, remind yourself that you have a right to take up space whether that is on a trail or in a hospital room surrounded by physicians. Do not be intimidated by others.
- Be nice to yourself.
- Don’t completely succumb to adulthood, but still try to pay bills on time. [Yay, another win. I dance with patients in their rooms, play with therapy dogs, and generally try to have fun while working. Health is a serious business, but I don’t always have to be serious]
- Re-define impossible.
- Do that yoga push-up chataranga thing that currently makes you feel like you’re going to collapse and smash your nose on the ground.
- Remember that you always, always, always have a choice. We choose our emotions. Sure, there are situations which will frustrate you. There will be times when you are disappointed, but being disappointed is a choice. Being frustrated is a choice. Smiling and laughing it off is a choice… On that note, choose smiling.
- Try to see failure as a painful, but necessary part of success — not a mandate on your character. Try.
- Keep getting stronger.
- Embrace partial success. Embrace progress, even the very small, barely noticeable, infinitesimal progress.
Lots of love
me, december 30, 2015
PS: read & re-read this letter as many times as necessary throughout the year. If needed, print off this letter , carry it around with you, and read this letter any time you need encouragement.